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Hi folks!
As I don't have time to write a new chapter (and won't have this semestre, as you see in my time table) I at least translated the parody I posted earlier this year (or was it the last?) to english so my american (and else-tongued) friends can read it.
I hope you like it, as my main character is american, I tried to use some american phrases, but I'm not used to it and considering my english-fiction skills I'm a little out of training, so the sentences may sometimes be awkward.
If you find something strange or wrong, please point it out to me and also, tell me what you think, comments are open to all, thanks.
---
This is just Bamboo, really!
Author: Saciel
Type: original story
Warnings: parody, sap, angst, silly, rainbow, lemon, violence
Disclaimer: Contains traces of Sailor Moon just as some other influences which all belong to their creators. Gay is for the world and bamboo mainly comes from China.
Rating: PG-16 to NC-17
--
My name is Hiro Matsuda, I’m 16 years old and quite the normal guy.
I’m living in Louisiana and just entered the junior-level at Newtown-Highschool. A part of my family descents from Japan, but I see myself as an american – just as my grandfather, although he says this with a more dismissive voice. He hates it that immigrated japanese adjust themselves to their environment and „lose their culture“ – I call that surviving, because I see what happens to the different and dissenting every day in my High school-life. Thus, I like to stay understated.
That’s… not really difficult. I’m of average height, have short, black hair and as black eyes, I’m neither slim nor fat, have average grades and all in all I’m the absolute boring kind.
At least I thought so. By tomorrow I’ll be entering a war, but no political one… no, one of another, horrifying kind…
It all began when relatives announced their visit and I had to go shopping for food at the local 24/7-store because our fridge was… well… poor.
While summer it wasn’t very dark, also at this time of the day, more a sticky-hot half-light with stinking gullies. But that wasn’t bothersome as our neighborhood was known to be peaceful with a low-crime rating, which also meant that rarely something happened. And if something happened, then it was something as thrilling as the abduction of Mrs. Tipsy’s kitten through the wacky neighbor Mr. Winker.
As I mentioned, I was near the end of my High School career and I slowly had to start thinking about what job I wanted to do. Well, I was quite sure I didn’t want to become a sales clerk as Mr. Drugsby who ran the 24/7-store.
As always the air-conditioner was out of order, here and there some flies flying races and the door-lock broken. That he wasn’t robbed, even in this area, relied on this small, mean, snappish tyke who would bite down even the most brave burglar!
Well… Destroyerbot was a Chihuahua, but for such a delicate animal he had a very strong jaw, my legs can tell stories about it…
I should have known something was wrong when Destroyerbot didn’t start yapping as soon I entered the store, because the only reason for him not to bark was his sudden death. I hoped so, really. Mr. Drugsby nodded like ever when I passed him and tried to get something like fresh food from the shelves, as known, the past-due food was in the front…
So, while I was crawling through the tins of last year, there was that sudden, stinging pain in my stomach- at first I thought it was from the green-covered cheese box behind me, but it had to be something else…
I wondered why Mr. Drugsby and Destroyerbot suddenly vanished, the cheese box, too and even the shelves with the tins … uhm, did I mention the floor to my feet suddenly went missing, too? What was happening to me?!
At the next moment there was this black nothing and I felt like I had to puke, like in a lifter which was falling rapidly from the highest stock to the ground.
Then, I found myself on the street behind the 24/7 – store, now it was dark and in front of me a grey squirrel played with some leaves until it sat down and looked at me with big, watery eyes.
Still dizzy after my first encounter with the personified WTF, I had to realize that I still had my tote-bags. How convenient.
I bend down to the squirrel and asked in my known amiable voice: “What are you doing here? The park is far away…,” at least two blocks. Strange for a squirrel.
The rodent moved it’s head to the side and looked at me, but then it sat down on its four pads and hissed with a straight tail.
Okay…the rabies? Do squirrels get the rabies?
I decided to stay away quite a yard from that animal and just wanted to subduct myself when I received a strong kick into my neck.
No, not the kind of strong which sends you into Lalala-land, this would have been TOO good for me and, if I think about it, would have saved me from some experiences- instead, I just was thrown ruggedly against a wall and saw some stars and little kamikaze-squirrels dancing around my head. I heard the fips in dolby surround.
I hope so much that I just hallucinated, because everything, really, EVERYTHING would be better than that, what I had to endure next:
I saw a long-legged thing which, with a little imagination, resembled a wasp… with much, very much imagination. Or wasn’t it a draq queen? No it was a was…. a drag-wasp?
I don’t know what other people would think about it, but for my taste a human-sized wasp with violet stockings and clown-make-up was rather…exceptional. But maybe I’m not mainstream enough. Of course, the fault for this thoughts belong to the pillow under my jaw right now- in the very moment I had no chance to think about things like these because I saw myself confronted with the large stinger this monster pointed at me…. you know, a wasp-stinger, just as big as my locker!
Undaunted by death the grey squirrel rose against the monster, but with a simple kick it found itself at the other wall. Through, it didn’t only survive but it quickly ran away. Because of an unknown, indefinable urge I thought that maybe Lassie was reincarnated in that squirrel and it would drag someone here, who could help me. Although a squirrel locked jaws with a pair of trousers was an amusing thought, I felt very different about facing death.
Even if I hadn’t known that this thing wanted to kill me, at last when it shouted with a metallic voice: “Count D wants your balls!” It was quite clear.
Help… please?
A second later I had to regret that thought- what use is life, if you need psychotherapeutic help for the lasting 80 years of it?!
However, after a short while the grey squirrel came back running and my memory implies a distinct barking because it is seriously fucked up… whatever, someone followed the squirrel… someone I knew well…
Gwen Cameron, 17 years old, tall and lanky with the most thick glasses I ever saw and maybe also the worst styled hairdo there is, don’t even talk about the clothes deriving from the sixties. As far I knew he was the best student of our year, he helped me sometimes with the group work when the work lasted on me only (like ever). Somehow I couldn’t remember to ever hear him talking loudly, but well, his life was hard like the life of everyone who was different- and nothing was more hated than a geek. That he was a geek was undeniable.
Great, just great.
If this squirrel was Lassie, I was a very dead Timmy.
How should this guy help me?
Oh, it was hopeless, we all would die… Gwen, I and the little squirrel with personality-disorder.
I tried to crawl away while the monster was distracted, but then something happened that I had never thought of- but who still wonders at this time?
Gwen put something out of his pants which looked like…oh… well... like a… uhm… how was it called again? It looked like a vibrator… WHAT?!
He lifted that yellowish thing into the air when it started vibrating and then he chanted something until he was surrounded by blue fog.
What was troubling me was, that I absolutely couldn’t move and so I was forced to look at it the_whole_time- but, the monster seemed paralyzed, too, so it was somewhat bearable… or not. That, what made the whole action so irritating was the fact, that Gwen stood absolutely naked in the fog and started glowing in a scary manner, levitating until he was spinning in the air. With his phallus-like thing he drew wave-like moves around himself like the girls in gym-class and with one time is body transformed! Clothes appeared and he changed into a more or less awkward pose in front of an idyllic island-background which I hopefully hallucinated.
In the first moment I couldn’t believe what I saw and stood stiff until I could move my legs again.
The slim Gwen had transformed himself into a handsome man although, I’m not really sure if you can call it a “man”, I mean, he could also have been an alien or something like that. At least his skin was honey-like with still short but dark blue hair and, as war as I remember, his eyes had the same color as his poncho and the cut trousers which he wore: Intense blue. Despite the heat not the basic wear you would choose.
“I’m Douglas!” it echoed from the house walls and I wondered why nobody came out on the street or at least shouted out of a window, when I remember to be jaded away just for playing soccer.
The wasp-monster tried to grab me, but quick like lightning I escaped from its arms and landed with a back-handspring some yards away from the beast… oh, okay, yeah, I lied.
The truth is I stumbled over the curbstone to this position. Douglas-Gwen used this to let his stick-thing flash up and off, flip against it and point it in direction of the monster.
“With the arts of Geyser!” A beam of water hit the beast, but instead of throwing it against the next wall, the wasp screamed a high-pitched: “Terilior… Terilior… TERILIOR!” (whatever that was, I guess it was the name of the beast, isn’t it polite how it introduces itself?) to part itself in several clones from which some began to attack Gwen, others were coming for… me. Shit.
That was a very helpful help… I took my heels and ran as fast as I could with my hammering head of pain, but it was useless. Two of these monsters grabbed me as if I was a small child, resistance futile, they were incredibly strong and I like to point out for my future self that this is the monstrous usual case.
“Fog of foreign harbours!” was the next confusing fragment of speech I heard from Douglas-Gwens astonishing dark-and-sexy voice and the world became even darker than it already was and even the streetlights couldn’t help because compact coastal-fog appeared. The next coast was 50 miles away, by the way.
The wasp which had me in a tight grip began to climb up the wall of an older house which was empty for decades and just from looking down my sickness reappeared, but from the corner of my eyes I could see Gwen… Douglas… however he called himself, jump out of the fog which caused the destruction of the wasp-clones. He pushed himself off the adverse house wall and made a huge bunch of yards trough street to a windowsill in our reach, which could have been the 6th stock. There he put out his stick again.
I don’t know what he called that time but a blue beam flashed through the now only-wasp monster which wanted to bring me to the roof like King Kong. With a scream it lost grip fell down to the street- just like me, of course, so now with many THANKS to my great glorious saviour I was facing the ugly death of being smashed down the pavement!
After some short movies I saw my own meagre and short life with Dolby-Surround and quiz show in rapid-motion and listened half-way to the dead-shrieking of the monster, then, in the last seconds of my life, I just closed my eyes and hoped to awake in another, a better world without personifications of the WTF, without schizophrenic squirrels and without maths-teachers.
Nothing, nothing of this I was allowed to see because I found myself in specific strong arms – those of Gwen, or Douglas, or whatever- he had caught me and just grinned at me in free flight:
“Now we have our fifth warrior…”
That was too much for me- either my brain gave up, or my brain gave up when he first put his fingers on his lips and than on my, until I saw some stars and then… nothing.
--
When I awoke, I realized I was in a light room. At first I thought it was a hospital, which would have explained some things. But the dizziness I felt when I tried to get up and my eyes which showed me the interior of a normal youth-room proofed me wrong. A desk, paperwork everywhere, poster of hot women and sport cars… the usual.
To tell from the squeaking below me I was laying on a bed, which wasn’t bad at all considering I had been unconscious and my head ached like hell. At this time I still thought everything I’ve had seen before was a product of my fantasy during a circulatory collapse.
But my mood changed quickly when I realized that my shirt, jacked and most importantly my PANTS where not where they should be!
Okay Hiro. Stay calm. Try not to scream…. too late.
I heard steps on the stairs on the other side of the door and soon after that Gwen opened the door: “What, what?! Hiro! Is everything alright?”
His hair was tousled as usual, but he didn’t wear his glasses so, for the first time, I could look directly into his eyes and… they really were blue, intense blue and with the soul like the sea on a stormy day…
“Oh… your clothes, uhm, yeah… I was afraid you couldn’t breath properly and they were also very dirty so… no hard feelings, okay? You can have some of mine until they are dry, if you want to…”
He seemed disoriented, absentminded like usual, absolutely normal… but I knew he wasn’t. Silent I glared at him until my eyes checked his belt:
“What… is that a phallus?!”.
Gwen cocked his head: “What? Oh, yeah, this.. this… no. This is a magical bamboo, really! Don’t look at me this way! It is a little old, you know?”.
He sat down on the mattress “But I like your way of thinking”.
This kind of grinning didn’t suit the Gwen I knew…
--
End Chapter 1
As I don't have time to write a new chapter (and won't have this semestre, as you see in my time table) I at least translated the parody I posted earlier this year (or was it the last?) to english so my american (and else-tongued) friends can read it.
I hope you like it, as my main character is american, I tried to use some american phrases, but I'm not used to it and considering my english-fiction skills I'm a little out of training, so the sentences may sometimes be awkward.
If you find something strange or wrong, please point it out to me and also, tell me what you think, comments are open to all, thanks.
---
This is just Bamboo, really!
Author: Saciel
Type: original story
Warnings: parody, sap, angst, silly, rainbow, lemon, violence
Disclaimer: Contains traces of Sailor Moon just as some other influences which all belong to their creators. Gay is for the world and bamboo mainly comes from China.
Rating: PG-16 to NC-17
--
My name is Hiro Matsuda, I’m 16 years old and quite the normal guy.
I’m living in Louisiana and just entered the junior-level at Newtown-Highschool. A part of my family descents from Japan, but I see myself as an american – just as my grandfather, although he says this with a more dismissive voice. He hates it that immigrated japanese adjust themselves to their environment and „lose their culture“ – I call that surviving, because I see what happens to the different and dissenting every day in my High school-life. Thus, I like to stay understated.
That’s… not really difficult. I’m of average height, have short, black hair and as black eyes, I’m neither slim nor fat, have average grades and all in all I’m the absolute boring kind.
At least I thought so. By tomorrow I’ll be entering a war, but no political one… no, one of another, horrifying kind…
It all began when relatives announced their visit and I had to go shopping for food at the local 24/7-store because our fridge was… well… poor.
While summer it wasn’t very dark, also at this time of the day, more a sticky-hot half-light with stinking gullies. But that wasn’t bothersome as our neighborhood was known to be peaceful with a low-crime rating, which also meant that rarely something happened. And if something happened, then it was something as thrilling as the abduction of Mrs. Tipsy’s kitten through the wacky neighbor Mr. Winker.
As I mentioned, I was near the end of my High School career and I slowly had to start thinking about what job I wanted to do. Well, I was quite sure I didn’t want to become a sales clerk as Mr. Drugsby who ran the 24/7-store.
As always the air-conditioner was out of order, here and there some flies flying races and the door-lock broken. That he wasn’t robbed, even in this area, relied on this small, mean, snappish tyke who would bite down even the most brave burglar!
Well… Destroyerbot was a Chihuahua, but for such a delicate animal he had a very strong jaw, my legs can tell stories about it…
I should have known something was wrong when Destroyerbot didn’t start yapping as soon I entered the store, because the only reason for him not to bark was his sudden death. I hoped so, really. Mr. Drugsby nodded like ever when I passed him and tried to get something like fresh food from the shelves, as known, the past-due food was in the front…
So, while I was crawling through the tins of last year, there was that sudden, stinging pain in my stomach- at first I thought it was from the green-covered cheese box behind me, but it had to be something else…
I wondered why Mr. Drugsby and Destroyerbot suddenly vanished, the cheese box, too and even the shelves with the tins … uhm, did I mention the floor to my feet suddenly went missing, too? What was happening to me?!
At the next moment there was this black nothing and I felt like I had to puke, like in a lifter which was falling rapidly from the highest stock to the ground.
Then, I found myself on the street behind the 24/7 – store, now it was dark and in front of me a grey squirrel played with some leaves until it sat down and looked at me with big, watery eyes.
Still dizzy after my first encounter with the personified WTF, I had to realize that I still had my tote-bags. How convenient.
I bend down to the squirrel and asked in my known amiable voice: “What are you doing here? The park is far away…,” at least two blocks. Strange for a squirrel.
The rodent moved it’s head to the side and looked at me, but then it sat down on its four pads and hissed with a straight tail.
Okay…the rabies? Do squirrels get the rabies?
I decided to stay away quite a yard from that animal and just wanted to subduct myself when I received a strong kick into my neck.
No, not the kind of strong which sends you into Lalala-land, this would have been TOO good for me and, if I think about it, would have saved me from some experiences- instead, I just was thrown ruggedly against a wall and saw some stars and little kamikaze-squirrels dancing around my head. I heard the fips in dolby surround.
I hope so much that I just hallucinated, because everything, really, EVERYTHING would be better than that, what I had to endure next:
I saw a long-legged thing which, with a little imagination, resembled a wasp… with much, very much imagination. Or wasn’t it a draq queen? No it was a was…. a drag-wasp?
I don’t know what other people would think about it, but for my taste a human-sized wasp with violet stockings and clown-make-up was rather…exceptional. But maybe I’m not mainstream enough. Of course, the fault for this thoughts belong to the pillow under my jaw right now- in the very moment I had no chance to think about things like these because I saw myself confronted with the large stinger this monster pointed at me…. you know, a wasp-stinger, just as big as my locker!
Undaunted by death the grey squirrel rose against the monster, but with a simple kick it found itself at the other wall. Through, it didn’t only survive but it quickly ran away. Because of an unknown, indefinable urge I thought that maybe Lassie was reincarnated in that squirrel and it would drag someone here, who could help me. Although a squirrel locked jaws with a pair of trousers was an amusing thought, I felt very different about facing death.
Even if I hadn’t known that this thing wanted to kill me, at last when it shouted with a metallic voice: “Count D wants your balls!” It was quite clear.
Help… please?
A second later I had to regret that thought- what use is life, if you need psychotherapeutic help for the lasting 80 years of it?!
However, after a short while the grey squirrel came back running and my memory implies a distinct barking because it is seriously fucked up… whatever, someone followed the squirrel… someone I knew well…
Gwen Cameron, 17 years old, tall and lanky with the most thick glasses I ever saw and maybe also the worst styled hairdo there is, don’t even talk about the clothes deriving from the sixties. As far I knew he was the best student of our year, he helped me sometimes with the group work when the work lasted on me only (like ever). Somehow I couldn’t remember to ever hear him talking loudly, but well, his life was hard like the life of everyone who was different- and nothing was more hated than a geek. That he was a geek was undeniable.
Great, just great.
If this squirrel was Lassie, I was a very dead Timmy.
How should this guy help me?
Oh, it was hopeless, we all would die… Gwen, I and the little squirrel with personality-disorder.
I tried to crawl away while the monster was distracted, but then something happened that I had never thought of- but who still wonders at this time?
Gwen put something out of his pants which looked like…oh… well... like a… uhm… how was it called again? It looked like a vibrator… WHAT?!
He lifted that yellowish thing into the air when it started vibrating and then he chanted something until he was surrounded by blue fog.
What was troubling me was, that I absolutely couldn’t move and so I was forced to look at it the_whole_time- but, the monster seemed paralyzed, too, so it was somewhat bearable… or not. That, what made the whole action so irritating was the fact, that Gwen stood absolutely naked in the fog and started glowing in a scary manner, levitating until he was spinning in the air. With his phallus-like thing he drew wave-like moves around himself like the girls in gym-class and with one time is body transformed! Clothes appeared and he changed into a more or less awkward pose in front of an idyllic island-background which I hopefully hallucinated.
In the first moment I couldn’t believe what I saw and stood stiff until I could move my legs again.
The slim Gwen had transformed himself into a handsome man although, I’m not really sure if you can call it a “man”, I mean, he could also have been an alien or something like that. At least his skin was honey-like with still short but dark blue hair and, as war as I remember, his eyes had the same color as his poncho and the cut trousers which he wore: Intense blue. Despite the heat not the basic wear you would choose.
“I’m Douglas!” it echoed from the house walls and I wondered why nobody came out on the street or at least shouted out of a window, when I remember to be jaded away just for playing soccer.
The wasp-monster tried to grab me, but quick like lightning I escaped from its arms and landed with a back-handspring some yards away from the beast… oh, okay, yeah, I lied.
The truth is I stumbled over the curbstone to this position. Douglas-Gwen used this to let his stick-thing flash up and off, flip against it and point it in direction of the monster.
“With the arts of Geyser!” A beam of water hit the beast, but instead of throwing it against the next wall, the wasp screamed a high-pitched: “Terilior… Terilior… TERILIOR!” (whatever that was, I guess it was the name of the beast, isn’t it polite how it introduces itself?) to part itself in several clones from which some began to attack Gwen, others were coming for… me. Shit.
That was a very helpful help… I took my heels and ran as fast as I could with my hammering head of pain, but it was useless. Two of these monsters grabbed me as if I was a small child, resistance futile, they were incredibly strong and I like to point out for my future self that this is the monstrous usual case.
“Fog of foreign harbours!” was the next confusing fragment of speech I heard from Douglas-Gwens astonishing dark-and-sexy voice and the world became even darker than it already was and even the streetlights couldn’t help because compact coastal-fog appeared. The next coast was 50 miles away, by the way.
The wasp which had me in a tight grip began to climb up the wall of an older house which was empty for decades and just from looking down my sickness reappeared, but from the corner of my eyes I could see Gwen… Douglas… however he called himself, jump out of the fog which caused the destruction of the wasp-clones. He pushed himself off the adverse house wall and made a huge bunch of yards trough street to a windowsill in our reach, which could have been the 6th stock. There he put out his stick again.
I don’t know what he called that time but a blue beam flashed through the now only-wasp monster which wanted to bring me to the roof like King Kong. With a scream it lost grip fell down to the street- just like me, of course, so now with many THANKS to my great glorious saviour I was facing the ugly death of being smashed down the pavement!
After some short movies I saw my own meagre and short life with Dolby-Surround and quiz show in rapid-motion and listened half-way to the dead-shrieking of the monster, then, in the last seconds of my life, I just closed my eyes and hoped to awake in another, a better world without personifications of the WTF, without schizophrenic squirrels and without maths-teachers.
Nothing, nothing of this I was allowed to see because I found myself in specific strong arms – those of Gwen, or Douglas, or whatever- he had caught me and just grinned at me in free flight:
“Now we have our fifth warrior…”
That was too much for me- either my brain gave up, or my brain gave up when he first put his fingers on his lips and than on my, until I saw some stars and then… nothing.
--
When I awoke, I realized I was in a light room. At first I thought it was a hospital, which would have explained some things. But the dizziness I felt when I tried to get up and my eyes which showed me the interior of a normal youth-room proofed me wrong. A desk, paperwork everywhere, poster of hot women and sport cars… the usual.
To tell from the squeaking below me I was laying on a bed, which wasn’t bad at all considering I had been unconscious and my head ached like hell. At this time I still thought everything I’ve had seen before was a product of my fantasy during a circulatory collapse.
But my mood changed quickly when I realized that my shirt, jacked and most importantly my PANTS where not where they should be!
Okay Hiro. Stay calm. Try not to scream…. too late.
I heard steps on the stairs on the other side of the door and soon after that Gwen opened the door: “What, what?! Hiro! Is everything alright?”
His hair was tousled as usual, but he didn’t wear his glasses so, for the first time, I could look directly into his eyes and… they really were blue, intense blue and with the soul like the sea on a stormy day…
“Oh… your clothes, uhm, yeah… I was afraid you couldn’t breath properly and they were also very dirty so… no hard feelings, okay? You can have some of mine until they are dry, if you want to…”
He seemed disoriented, absentminded like usual, absolutely normal… but I knew he wasn’t. Silent I glared at him until my eyes checked his belt:
“What… is that a phallus?!”.
Gwen cocked his head: “What? Oh, yeah, this.. this… no. This is a magical bamboo, really! Don’t look at me this way! It is a little old, you know?”.
He sat down on the mattress “But I like your way of thinking”.
This kind of grinning didn’t suit the Gwen I knew…
--
End Chapter 1
